


Here it... Stands?

by RosaLui



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Crack, Gen, The Duke of Weselton is a Penis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaLui/pseuds/RosaLui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna's been gone for two days. Elsa is... drunk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here it... Stands?

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for a friend. I am so, so sorry. Please blame the blizzard.

The snowy season had come early to Arendelle.

The winters had always been stronger here than anywhere else south of the mountain - for obvious reasons, the residents would laughingly say, as they brushed glittering snow off their stoop and set about the day. The deep long winter didn't mean a _harsher_ winter, though – since Queen Elsa had come to the throne, there were no more freak storms, no collapsed roofs, no broken bones from frozen pavement.

Winter caressed Arendelle, like a mother's hand or a sister's laugh. Like a queen, cradling her kingdom in her palm. The snow was always light and fluffy, perfect for snowball making; the ice was always sheer and smooth, just right for the silver skates of families and little children.

And so if the snows began early and ended late, if the area surrounding the palace shone with ice even in the warmer months, no one complained.

People loved their queen in Arendelle.

This year, though, Anna reflected as Sven pulled to a hault in front of the city gates and she peeked over Kristoff's shoulder, the snowy season had come very early indeed.

As in, it was July and everything was covered in a great blanket of snow and there was a massive ice sculpture smack dab in the middle of the town square, shaped like – well, shaped like –

"That's a penis," Kristoff said slowly.

Anna had been sort of hoping he wouldn't see it. That they could ride right past it, maybe, back to the palace because their quick jaunt to the sea had turned into a two-day camping trip that kept them away from the capitol for the yearly policy debate session and there was sand in her swimsuit in places she honestly did not want to even think about, and she'd been hoping to come home and shower and hang out with her sister and find out –

Sven snorted and pawed the ground. The townspeople, Anna could tell, were hovering on the edge of the deserted square and watching.

"It's obviously a banana," said Anna in mortified tones, tearing her gaze away at last and hiding her face in the back of her fiance's shirt. "A really big –"

"Yep. Okay." Kristoff's gaze was still transfixed upon the – the – well, the –

"Elsa likes bananas," Anna said, in a voice that most definitely was not approaching the verge of hysteria.

There was a silence.

"Apparently," Kristoff said finally, and she walloped him hard across the back of the head.

"Can we get home, please?" She said through gritted teeth, because joking aside if Elsa was – er, if Elsa was feeling more creative than usual, and in midsummer no less, Anna needed to make sure everything was okay.

She needed to make sure that _Elsa_ was okay, that she was out of her room – the room she still sometimes went into and sat, quietly, as the sky grew dark, on days when the sea was particularly stormy and she forgot, just a little bit, that the kingdom was hers to roam now. That her gloves were off, hair was down, that meeting foreign dignitary after dignitary and the flipping Duke of flipping Wesselton hadn't made her smile go taut in Anna's absence.

Slowly, the party of three began to move.

Kristoff tore his gaze away from the monumental structure at last, clearing his throat roughly. He looked vaguely impressed. "Right. I'll just skirt around this –"

"Sasuage. It's an artistic representation of a sausage."

"Okay."

"It _is_. It _looks_ like one."

"I didn't say anything."

"It could be a – a husk of corn, even."

Kristoff made a strangled, involuntary sort of noise in the back of his throat, and spurred Sven around the – well – and up toward the palace. The townspeople shifted back awkwardly as they went past. A few smiled at them rather more largely than was appropriate. One father had his hand over his son's eyes. In the background somewhere, a little girl was laughing uproariously.

Thankfully, there seemed to be no sign of the dignitaries that had been in town for the debate the day before.

The ice and snow grew in quantity and in creativity as they neared the palace doors. The frost swirled through the air, and Anna, shivering, tucked her feet up against Sven's warm back. There were frozen mountains all around, piled high and formed into sculptures along the balconies.

A half-formed snow platypus trundled by, waving a pitchfork at a fleeing bushel of ice turnips. Carved on the roof, a lopsided ice goat wearing a magnificent crown stuck its tongue out at the sky. The windows were frosted with asymmetrical snowflakes. The snow was deepest at the base of the walls, where it looked as though someone had carved out the slightly shaky letters:

_WHEEEEEEEEEE_

Anna and Kristoff came to a stop before the great doors. Before them, a shimmering banner hung from the roof to the ground. Scripted in an uneven hand ran the words:

_I love eVERYONE IN THiSs town but Anan's betstest because she s my sister_  
 _Love m ysisteR_  
 _Love wine arendelle will officially DECREED TO BE Winedelle_  
 _heeeheehEHEHEE_  
 _heehee_

Elsa wasn't hard to find, all things considered. They followed the trails of ice through the halls to the throne room, where light spilled out from under the door together with the sound of tipsy laughter.

Anna wrapped the end of her scarf around her hand, gripped the frozen handle, and pulled the door open. Then she walked in, alone, and shut the door behind her.

Elsa was lounging on her throne, feet bare, cloak resplendent all around her. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hair tumbled down her shoulders and a mostly empty bottle of sweet red wine dangled from her fingertips. The wind swirled around her, ice and snow tickling her skin as it passed, and she laughed.

She was surrounded by her friends and servants and creations – some playing music, some dancing hand in hand on the slippery ice, all laughing very hard and clutching glasses of wine.

Elsa looked wonderfully, gloriously happy.

And tipsy. Definitely that.

"I leave you alone for two days," Anna said, palm hitting her forehead with a _thunk_.

"ANNA!" The shriek when Elsa noticed her was overflowing with joy. The reigning queen flung her arms wide. "I MISSED YOUUuuuuuu sister, my sister. Mine."

Anna giggled, the joy in the air infectious. "I kinda figured."

"I'm exmeripenting with _modern_ art, d'you like?" Elsa leapt down from her perch and flung her arms around Anna's shoulders. "Did," she asked, leaning very close to her sister and face going quite serious, "you see my spulcture in the square?"

"Your –"

"My spulcture. My slul – my –"

"The – the – "

Elsa nodded encouragingly, beaming at her.

"-penguin sculpture?" Anna tried hopefully, smiling madly, smiling wildly, smiling for all she was worth.

Elsa frowned at her. "Annie," she said in disappointed tones. "Issa _penis_."

There was a honk of laughter from beyond the closed doors to the hall that sounded remarkably like Kristoff _dying the next time Anna got her hands on him_.

Olaf toddled up to her, grinning much in his usual way. "We're having a party, Princess Anna," he said, helpfully offering her a glass of wine.

"We're makin' a new holiday," Elsa said, raising the bottle high and twirling. "Wesshlnentons."

"' _Wesseltonmas_ ,'" Olaf mouthed at her helpfully.

A number of questions raced through Anna's head. "Why?" She settled on, cautiously.

Elsa smiled dreamily. "Crushed him."

"Um."

Olaf coughed. "She crushed the Duke of Wesselton in policy debate yesterday," he said as if reading it off an official transcript. "The contested territories to the east are now property of Arrendale, and Wesselton has lost several of its main trading partners."

"N'then I sculptim," Elsa said dreamily. She stopped, frowned, and then pronounced carefully, "Sculp-ted-him."

"Where?" Anna asked, grinning too now, and glancing about the room for a likeness of the evil – and permanently bested - Duke.

"Silly Anna," said Elsa, rolling her eyes. "Told you. In the _square_."

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://rosalui.tumblr.com/) l [LJ](http://rosalui.livejournal.com/)


End file.
